The first decision you must make is the method you prefer for disposition of your or your loved one's remains. This decision will determine features of the service you design. The alternatives in the US are: burial in a casket and/or vault; or cremation, with ashes placed in some sort of container for burial or alternative disposal or storage. Use this Memorial Planning Worksheet to create your service.

Next, you can decide exactly what type of service you would like. If you prefer something religious, then a church or synagogue might be an appropriate venue. If you prefer something more intimate, it is possible to have a simple, dignified service at home. Other potential locations for services include outdoor or public areas, or traditional funeral homes or chapels. At the same time you are thinking about the kind of service in general that you would like and where you would like to have it, you might consider if you would prefer to have a wake, followed by a funeral, and whether these two events will be held at the same, or different locations on the same, or different dates. If you wish to have a wake followed by a more traditional funeral, two separate events will have to be planned. Or ~ you might prefer to simplify matters and have one memorial service!

What are the details of a service that would be meaningful to you and your family and friend? Would you like to completely design your own service, or do you prefer that the service be conducted by your minister, priest, or rabbi, or handled by a funeral director according to their customary practices?

What amenities would you like to have included in the service? If you are opting for a traditional wake followed by a funeral, you can customize both services, and plan for inclusion of cherished music, reading of special passages, and personal statements or testimonials by friends and family in the programs. If you are planning your own service, you are of course, free to do pretty much whatever you wish - which could range from friends or family delivering simple personalized testimonials for example, to enactment of a favorite scene of a play by a group of friends! Would you like flowers, or would you prefer that modest donations be made to a cause you support instead? These are just a few of the potential amenities to consider.

Depending upon whether you have chosen burial or cremation, there are a variety of funerary accoutrements from which to chose, ranging from the more expensive casket and burial vault for burial; to boxes or containers for storage and dispersal of ashes for cremation. If you choose cremation, as increasingly many people are for environmental, aesthetic and spiritual reasons, there are many options from which to choose. Our selection of funerary reliquaries is included under the Resources Page. As part of the pre-planning process, you can select and purchase the container you wish your ashes to be placed in, to be kept on hand until needed. This container can be used as a dignified temporary repository for your ashes upon cremation, during the memorial or funeral service, right through to dispersal of your ashes. You can decide what you want done ultimately with your ashes and express your wishes in your pre-planning form. See Links Page. The container you chose, if used as a temporary storage place until your ashes are disposed of, could also eventually function as a practical, cost-effective and reusable family reliquary for generations to come.

Final Disposition of Remains

Once you have made your decision concerning your wishes as to what will be done with your ashes, putting those wishes in writing is the way to insure your wishes are honored. Write a simple statement designating what will be done with your ashes - who will have them, what will be done with them, where: e.g. "I would like my friends to scatter my ashes at sea along the Coast of Easthampton, New York." In states with pre-planning, your directive concerning final disposition of your ashes may be incorporated into your pre-planning document.

Regulations concerning the disposal of ashes vary from state to state, and you should check with your local Health Department or Crematory to determine what the practice is in your area. In addition, should you prefer that your ashes be buried, or placed in a Columbarium, that will have a cost impact. Do not forget to factor that into total costs when doing your cost planning.

Ash disposal options include: